Anne…. it’s my name. I considered putting in something about an anthropomorphic aardvark but it seemed a little too kindergarten learning to me. I was gonna make it awful, but I’m just fucking tired so I went unimaginative.

Bingley, B, and Biddy — the names of my parent’s cats, which gets confusing sometimes.

Cats. What else did you think this would be? I like cats.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelite

Egbert as in John Egbert. Ride the wind, kid.

Farts……….. I talk about farts a lot. I also fart a lot. But not at work, because I get stage fright.

Grapes….. people like them.

Homestuck… as in I am 100% Homestuck trash. All Homestucks everywhere go AAYYYYYY.

I have no idea what I’m doing at any given time ever.

J K Rowling….????? No, wait…. Jade Harley, my favorite Homestuck kids. FUCK YEAH!

Kay…. what I say after someone says stuff to me when I’m not listening.

Leek quiche death plague…. or how I gave myself food poisoning by leaving a microwave quiche meal out on the counter when I visited my sister. I never had quiche before so I was unaware that it had egg in it. I learned this later after I got sick as balls.

Moombas, which were in one of my favorite games ever. Final Fantasy VIII

New Leaf, which is the new Animal Crossing game that I’m playing right now and it’s taking up all my time.

Operation Eevee Quest which will begin anew once Pokemon: Sapphire comes out. I finished the current Eevee quest when I finished Pokemon: Y.

Pooka which is what Harvey is and that is incidentally my favorite Jimmy Stuart movie.

Quiche (see leek quiche death)

Roxy Lalonde…. another favorite character from Homestuck, who I like to cosplay all the time because she’s rad as fuck.

Shit.

Tumblr…. where I blog about dumb stuff and cry a lot about fandom crap and shit.

Uvula, better known as that flappy thing in the back of your throat.

Vivi the black mage…. my favorite character from FF 9 which I did not play on account of hating the card minigame. Fuck that game.

WinGARdium LevIOsa

XKit guy, who is just the best. I love XKit guy.

Z…..????

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I can’t stop watching this GIF: CLICK FOR FLAILING

I keep putting new songs on and then I watch Dave twitch. Lady Gaga works. Selena works (Quintanilla, btw, not the other one). Shit, let’s try Verka Serduchka. Not quite as well. It’s still amusing, but it isn’t perfect. The song the original artist intended works best, of course:MUSIC TO FLAIL TO!

This selection from one of the more recent Eurovision contests also works:EUROVISION GO!

It’s particularly hilarious when they get to the chorus.

Here’s the original artwork that inspired all my flail based amusement:MOAR FLAILING!

Also, all my youtube commercials are now in Spanish. Just an interesting tidbit that I find curious. Too much Selena? Maybe. But I’ve also been OD-ing on Edith Piaf and I haven’t gotten any French commercials yet. Maybe I just have to try harder.

 

Bluh

17/03/2012

A woman rubs a lottery ticket furiously. The nickel she’s scraping against the thick paper is leaving grimy bits of silver shit to fall into her lap. She stops long enough to take a drag from the cigarette balanced precariously in her other hand.

I look at her, trying not to be too obvious about it. Her eyes are focused on the ticket which is pressed against the steering wheel as she scratches and scratches and scratches. She stops to push a bit of bleached blond hair back behind her ear with her cigarette hand. Those hands, large and mannish with blunt nails that haven’t been cleaned in ages, it seems. A working person’s hands. Her pock marked face, dark from sun damage. She’s probably never been considered beautiful, and it makes me vaguely sad.

What is her life like? Why does she look so angry at that lottery ticket? Is that because it’s a losing ticket or is it something else? Did her husband piss her off or maybe it was her kids? Did she marry young and now she regrets it? Maybe she had a passel of kids and left her dreams behind and this is all that’s left? I’m probably reading into things and I’m feeling like I’m making an educated person’s judgement, and then I feel a bit guilty. Maybe this was just a bit of fun or a way to get some extra laundry money or something? If so, it’s kind of not a good idea.

I want to tell her that lottery tickets are white trash IRAs that only ever gives you a minimal return. It costs more than it ever gives, and the likelihood that it’ll ever pay off is… well, pretty unlikely. They’re a tax on people who are bad at math, at best. But I don’t. I just turn away and continue writing, looking forward to my slushy and perhaps a lap-full of cat. We pull out.

She’s still in the car, ruminating on that ticket and talking on a cell phone.

Huh.

That’s really sad for some reason.

Owl Cup

24/01/2012

My eyes focus in and out on the bromeliad on the end table. Green and red winking in and out sort of like Christmas lights but not really. I see the shape and form. The color and texture, the smooth highlights shaping the leaves, petals, as they sink into dirt. I want to touch a leaf, but my hands are too busy working, trying, desperately, to capture what I see before my brain runs out of words.

The flower spike looks like a penis.

All the while, I’m half listening to the President. More than anything, my attention is diverted by my husband and my parent’s orange cat. Amber eyes meet mine. He squints and turns away, content as my husband’s fingers dig deep into fur to give a good skritch.

Why aren’t we so easily pleased?

I wish I had whiskers. Not, like, a beard, but whiskers like a cat. Who knows? It might come in handy.

So, I got thinking about television shows and their themes from when I was a kid and how there were certain shows I only ever watched for the opening credits, or for some other goofy reasons. Plus my favorite shows.In no particular order.

Yes, this is a completely pointless post wherein I indulge my own need to wallow in nostalgia.

Jem — This is actually my favorite opening 80s cartoon theme. And it’s also my favorite show.

Thundercats — Gosh, wasn’t that exciting?!!

Talespin — Best Disney spinoff show EVER.

Animaniacs — Best animated show “for kids” EVER.

Tiny Toon Adventures — On the list not only because it was awesome, but also because THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS.

Darkwing Duck — There was one episode of this show that was so fucking funny I almost choked, but I forgot what it was about…

Freakazoid — A cartoon that was clearly NOT for children and yet was marketed to children. Makes perfect sense.

Alvin and the Chipmunks — While, on the whole, I don’t approve of anything chipmunk related, the theme song was fun.

Heathcliff —  I actually fucking hated this show, but I liked the theme, plus it was about cats so I was sort of required by every part of my soul to watch. FUCKING WORDSWORTH. I hated that cat. HATED HIM. Stupid fucking rhyming cat on roller-skates. Whoever thought that up should be punched.

David the Gnome — I put this on here for pure spite, because I hate this show so much. It’s creepy and boring. I always felt like I was being felt up by this show. When it came on, you knew that there was pretty much nothing else to watch because you were watching David the Gnome. If you like this show, seek professional counseling.

Dungeons and Dragons — You know your show is in trouble when you don’t have a theme song so much as a minute long bit of exposition to explain the plot of your crappy cartoon. Also, this show was cancelled before the storyline saw any kind of conclusion. They are still there, trapped in the Dungeons and Dragons world, never to escape. They will grow old and die there. I only tuned in every week to see if the Cavalier and/or Uni would die. They never did, the bastards.

Muppet Babies — A fun, if a bit overly saccharine, show. The theme is also kinda cute.

A Pup Named Scooby Doo — The thing I liked best about this show was Velma’s walk cycle. I still find it mildly amusing.

Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors and Turbo Teen — I find both of these shows really, profoundly disturbing. That’s right. No past tense. I found both shows to be upsetting when I was a kid and my opinion has not changed with time.  To be fair to Jayce, the theme song is kinda cool in a hair band sort of way.

The Real Ghostbusters vs GhostBusters — Due to a copyright issue, the planned animated version of the movie Ghostbusters had to add “The Real” in front of it because the guys who made Puff n’ Stuff had an earlier claim to the name. They had made a show called GhostBusters and very few people cared. Then 1984 happened and the Ghostbusters we know and love came out and it was good. Then… merchandising happened. Everyone wanted a piece of that fried gold. So the Puff n’ Stuff people dragged their shitty version from underneath whatever monumental hole they’d buried it in and made a cartoon that confused and enraged a generation. Everyone that’s around my age had this same experience. You were looking for the Real Ghostbusters and somehow… you instead found yourself watching GhostBusters.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT?!

What the fuck is wrong with that show? Who the fuck is the blond guy? Why is that idiot in aviator glasses? WHY THE FUCK DID THEY HAVE A GORILLA HELPING THEM?!!

God, I’m so agravated now… I need to cleanse the palate. I need something awesome. GOZILLA! Except for the fact that it really had very little to do with the Japanese film franchise except for the name. I’ll forgive it because GODZILLA!

Galaxy High — God, this show sucked. Another show that felt it needed to explain the premise, because it was too fucked up to understand otherwise. Seriously. That show was messed up.

Let’s listen to Jem again. I don’t want to hate the world. JEM IS EXCITMENT! JEM IS ADVENTURE! JEM IS TRULY OUTRAGEOUS!

 

 

 

Snippets Pt. 2

25/12/2011

Sitting on a couch that vaguely smelt of dog, writing and contemplating how warm it was, she looks outside at the reflection of the ceiling fan and wonders.

The street, unsurprisingly, was empty. It was Christmas, after all. Even if the weather was mild, who would be walking anywhere today? Where would they walk to? Nowhere. This is America.

Life goes on — a circadian rhythm that repeated endlessly for eighty years or more, if you were lucky.

TICK TICK TACK

The sound of a dog’s nails on the bare floors. This is why I like cats.

Lights reflected.

Swirling…

Am I being pretentious?

Probably.

But anyone who writes down their random thoughts most likely suffers a bit of pretention.

It’s unavoidable. Just a part of the human condition.

We must suffer our big heads.

Hand to her chin, she tells her son, for the thousanth time, that his brother was coming later. It’s what he told her. That’s all she knows.

Children — les enfants terrible. She shivers and goes back to her writing, looking forward to home and cats that smell like cotton candy.

She shows the child the view out the window, feeling more alive watching this new, unformed person experience the world for the first time. The child communicates with what few words she knows. Gurgling happily as she points at something out the window. Large eyes looking out, she’s happy at knowing what something is. Putting words to to form.

God, this blanket stinks.

He reclines on the couch, allowing his wife to fuss over the children. How easily we seem to fill roles that were packaged by our forefathers. Never questioned. One in a long line of men fulfilling this duty to do nothing, relegating care to their wives and mothers and sisters. To watch sports and drink beer and not really care about much else.

Secretly, she’s glad she married her husband. A man who has no interest in sports or beer… who brings her joy and cares for her above all else. She knew, if he became a father, there would be no reclining. And she looks forward to tonight… returning to their little apartment to join him in another quiet night together. Her writing, him editing or playing a video game. Their cat — their cranky, angry cat, who would yell at them for being away so long.

God, this blanket reeks.

Fucking dogs.

——

Written on Christmas day. Just some weird observations that for some reason I wrote down. It’s sort of a stream of consciousness thing. Hopefully not too confusing.

Also, ducks.

15/11/2011

She had been amazed that she found the rubber cigar. It was hidden behind a wall of junk, overfull with plastic bags and bottles waiting to be recycled. She had never been so lucky.

A woman wades out into the water, desperately trying to avoid reeds and algae that choked the shore. This was why she hated swimming in lakes. Sure, there were no sharks, but the squishiness between her toes was far more disturbing.

An old man babbles incessantly, ruminating on the nothing that is his life, unaware of his own relative purposelessness.

Does that make any sense?

 

Also, ducks

—-

She takes a picture, not really knowing why she’s doing it. To preserve or to document the pointless drama of life that means so much to her, but so little to anyone else.

A thousand years from now and what will archaeologists think?

One dog barks and another returns it.

“HEY! HOW ARE YOU?”

“HEY! I’M GREAT! JUST LICKED MY ASS! IT WAS AWESOME!”

“AWESOME!”

Just to be clear, I have no idea where any of these… whatever they are came from. I’ve been having trouble writing full prose and these really aren’t poetry at all, so I’m not sure what they are. I guess the closest they come to are weird little vignettes that popped into my head when I was at Gun Lake and I couldn’t swim because my body hates me.